


Grand Theft Medean

by storieswelove



Category: The Queen's Thief - Megan Whalen Turner
Genre: (but make it a video game), Costis learns to be a thief, Gen, Gen is the best and worst teacher, the sun also came up this morning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:33:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24784696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storieswelove/pseuds/storieswelove
Summary: Costis trains for his first mission as thief.
Relationships: Eugenides & Costis Ormentiedes
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	Grand Theft Medean

**Author's Note:**

> For Queen's Thief Appreciation Week, Day Four: A Short Story. 
> 
> I love the idea of Gen training Costis, and couldn't get the idea of a video game/kid's cartoon out of my head while I thought about it. 
> 
> My recommendation (see also: sincere hope as the writer) is that you listen to [this song on repeat while you read. I listened to it while writing and it made it x10 more enjoyable.](https://open.spotify.com/track/0AHDX9qRpGrflUnsOQ8Yy5?si=Wb9VvR_ySi6CrqDluKYXow)

**Level One: Accept Your God, Accept Your Quest**

The king summons Costis to his rooms a week after their morning show in the training yard. He tells him, finally, what he has planned for him. 

Costis is going to steal Nahusaresh’s slave.

From Ianna-Ir. 

Costis wills his heart to stop racing. He trusts his king. After the night on the top of the tower, he trusts his god, too. 

He’s just not sure he trusts himself. 

However, Eugenides says Costis will have to train first. 

The king swings an arm over Costis’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Costis. This will be fun.” 

Costis notices the king fails to specify which of them would be having fun. 

*

The training is not so much worse than when he first enlisted, he thinks. The king teaches him how to walk across the ceiling rafters, how to open a lock with a pocket of tools, and how to slip a knife from a man’s pocket without him noticing. He practices negotiating in Medean, reading maps, and even how to stay silent through pain. Costis could have done without the king thwacking him between the legs with the hilt of his training sword, but, well. There wasn’t much he could do about it. 

Overall, it’s not that bad. 

That’s when the tasks start. 

**Quest One: The Boots**

Costis has been given unsavory tasks since he began training with the king. Baaing like a sheep at the Eddisian ambassador to Attolia from a secret stairwell had been a rather stressful one — Costis was sure Ornon could skewer him with his sword like a pig on a spit if he wanted to. 

But tonight’s mission is the worst yet. 

He’s fairly certain the king is just doing this for his own amusement. There’s no other reason for Costis to be sneaking through the palace in the middle of the day in order to steal Teleus’s boots. 

Teleus is with the queen. There’s no risk of being caught. He just has to slip into Teleus’s room, grab them, and take them to the king. Simple. 

Costis thinks he might be sick. 

He uses his new tools to open the lock on Teleus’s door, trembling hands slowing him down, sweat dripping in his eyes. 

The ceremonial boots are against the wall, just where the king said they would be. He’s in and out in seconds. It feels like a lifetime. 

*

The next time the king and queen hold court, Costis recognizes the comically-large boots on the king’s feet. The pulsing vein in Teleus’s forehead gives him away. 

Costis may have to start sleeping with one eye open. 

**Quest Two: The Brooch**

It appears that stealing the captain of the guard’s boots was the least of his worries. 

“Costis,” Eugenides says, sitting sideways in his chair, legs draped over the ornate arm. “I want you to steal the queen’s brooch.” 

“Excuse me, your majesty?” 

“My wife’s brooch. The one inlaid with emeralds. Looks like a honeycomb? I want you to steal it. And I want you to do it while she’s in her rooms.” 

“I—“ 

“None of that, Costis. If you can’t steal from someone you like, you certainly won’t be able to steal from someone you fear.” 

Sometimes, Costis thinks wistfully of his time as a squad leader. Maybe he should have accepted the king’s offer of land in the countryside instead. 

*

In the end, it’s almost easier than the boots. After hours spent idly waiting in the queen’s room while the king recovered from the attempted assassination, he knew the precise location of every object in all the queen’s quarters. It’s easy enough, then, to slip into her wardrobe unnoticed while Iolanthe is plaiting the queen’s hair, and Eugenides is lounging on the bed, and the rest of the attendants are running in and out with breakfast. It’s her largest piece. It’s at the forefront of her jewelry chest, like it was waiting for him. Maybe it was. 

The brooch burning a hole in his pocket, and heart threatening to beat out of his chest, he looks at the king across the room; Eugenides winks. 

**Quest Three: The Road Trip**

Costis waits until all that is left of his guide is the cloud of dust kicked up by his retreat on horseback before he opens the letter marked with the king’s seal. 

_Costis —_

_If your guide followed my instructions, you now find yourself at the border between Eddis and Sounis. I apologize for the lack of fanfare. I did once consider making my own skeleton a road marker. I imagine at the moment, you’d have preferred that path for me._

_In the bag I gave you, you’ll find some food, a cloak, your spare boots, and a limited amount of gold. You must make it back to the palace without being detected._

_I hope you memorized that map I leant you._

_— Attolis_

Costis lowers himself gingerly onto a nearby boulder. He gave himself five minutes to orient himself and make a plan. 

When time is up, he stands, rolls his shoulders a few times, and begins his climb up the slope. 

*

He makes it back, barely. If he never has to catch and eat another rodent as long as he lives, it will be too soon. 

**Quest Four: The Wine Shop**

Sneaking out of the palace unrecognized is the easiest task yet. Suspiciously easy, if Costis is honest. 

Which is why he shouldn’t be surprised when he sees that the guard on duty at the outer gates is— 

“Aris,” he mumbles to himself. He slips behind a wall to compose himself. He’s good at this. He can dupe his best friend. 

Dressed as a foreign dignitary in evening robes, he pulls the hood of his cloak a little tighter over his forehead and strolls toward the gate with his best imitation of a haughty walk. 

“Costis?”

Gods damn it. 

“Aris.” He lowers his hood. 

“What…what are you doing out?” Aris looks at the other soldier on guard. Costis doesn’t recognize him. The man, who Aris must outrank, has the good sense to pretend not to be listening. “It’s nearly the dog’s watch of the night!” 

Costis debates telling him he’s on official business for the king. “I’m — ah — meeting _someone_.” He hopes his friend takes the bait. 

Aris waggles his eyebrows conspiratorially. “Good for you, Costis.” 

Costis rolls his eyes for good measure. “Good night, Aris!” he says, and walks through the gates. 

“Try to get some sleep, Costis!” he calls back, and Costis waves him off with a hand above his head, never looking back. Aris’s booming laughter fades as he walks further from the palace. 

*

He makes it to the wine shop without further interruption. Eugenides is waiting for him inside. 

“And?” he says. 

Costis shakes his head ruefully. “Aris recognized me. I’m sorry.” 

“And what did you tell Aris?” 

Costis looks up at the king. “Uh—that I was meeting someone.” 

“Someone?” 

“Yes. He assumed it was a late night tryst.” 

“Ah.” Gen smiles, and slides a cup over to Costis. “Then you have done well.” 

“My king?” 

“Sometimes,” he says, as he pours wine into Costis’s glass. “The most important skill is lying to those you trust.” 

He tips his cup at Costis and drinks. 

*

**Quest Five: Palace Haunts**

The palace guards have strict orders: if they see Costis, they’re to take him to the king immediately. Life was easier before the guard took the king seriously; Costis is beginning to regret forcing the king’s hand in the training yard.

Costis spends the entire day evading capture — with stealth, with disguises, and a _lot_ of time crouching and waiting. 

*

When the king returns to his bedchamber for the evening, Costis is already sitting in an armchair waiting for him. 

Eugenides smiles. “Very good, Costis. I’m impressed.” 

**Level Six: The Journey**

All the while, Costis and Eugenides plan. Costis practices his Medean, he studies maps, he reads notes and scrolls about the Mede palace. And he waits. And waits. And waits. 

Until one night, he wakes before the sun rises to find the king sitting on his bed. 

“A ship is leaving for Zabrisa in an hour. I need you on it. Ornon’s message arrived yesterday — he is settled in Ianna-Ir, and is prepared to help you. Are you ready to leave?” 

Costis nods. “I will not fail you or our god.” 

“So, so, so,” Eugenides says with a nod of his head, eyes distant as he picks at the fraying edge of Costis’s blanket. 

He stands and walks toward the door, but stops a step from the doorway. He turns. 

“Costis?” 

“Yes, my king?” 

He smiles gently at Costis. “Be blessed in your endeavors.” 

Costis returns the smile. “It’s an honor, my king.” 

**Congrats! You have completed your challenge!**

**_[press any button to continue]_** ****

**Level Two: Nahusaresh's Right Hand Man**  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! So much thanks to [IridescentFeline](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IridescentFeline) for being an amazing beta, and for one of my favorite lines in the fic.
> 
> Come scream about QT with me on tumblr @ [storieswelove](storieswelove.tumblr.com)! Fic crossposted [here](https://storieswelove.tumblr.com/post/621240103609696256/grand-theft-medean-the-queens-thief) for easy access.


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